Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Can we actually fold space and time?

Computer start recording:

Personal log entry stardate 04182006.

I feel lost in a world of confused priorities. Where is the sense of life without happiness. Sometimes I wonder what will happen to me next year. Am I the helpless victim that the universe seems to show me I am, or am I a builder of what is to come. Do I make my own destiny? Is the environment part of me?

When you think about it, life is linear, because we have the sense of time. Bajor rotates around it's axis 26 hours. So if we take the time factor away will there be time still? Pondering what the hell is going on in my life in this time of ending cycles and starting cycles.

Some days I have no time for riddles from the prophets, some days I think the prophets are laughing at us, some days I wish I was with the prophets and I knew what the universe was all about.

My soul is in pain, I can tell you that much. I feel like part of my heart was ripped away from me. I have no consolation it seems to the pain of my heart. Once more I question is it the pain of my heart or the thought of the pain in my head. I love life, but I have had not many opportunities to have a lasting happiness. Sad when you think about it. I guess I can blame it all to my childhood traumas and tribulations. I wish I found refuge for my pain, I wish I found refuge for my vulnerabilities. Why can't I find someone to be vulnerable with, why does my heart feels this deep pain? I will not rest until I find the person who I can be vulnerable with and happy at the same time. In the next few cycles things should clear up, that's what the Orb of Prophecy and Change revealed to me in the past week.

I will get the answers some day, maybe the answer is around the river bend, maybe the answers are staring me in the face. I see nothing for now, I will wait. I feel pain in my heart and no matter how much I cry or feel my pain, I am still in pain. Well, I will pray that the prophets guide me in their wisdom throughout this opportunity to grow.

I have to stop now, duty calls.

Computer end personal log entry encryption Alpha Zulu Delta Ydan 11.

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