Monday, April 18, 2011

The power within

I hope to make a short post, but it may become very long. If you ever encountered my blog you can see I am not very political in my blog views, yet I have an opinion.  The same goes with religions and for one I am not  intolerant of different religious views. My father passed to spirit late last year, and believe me it is a blessing.  That man was a child molester and a pedophile. Yep and how do I know?  I am one of his former victims. I am  not going to go into details about the other abuses he manage to do on my physical and mental self, but needless to say the world is a better place without him.  I suffered a lot form his abuse until many years later. Don't take me wrong there are positive things about my father, they are just enough bad things to overshadow whatever he did good.

There goes my mother as well, but I can tell you she was the best of two evils as I had my Grandma to protect me while she was still alive.  One wonders how after so much physical,sexual, psychological abuse I am still a nice person?  Well if there is something they could never break was "The Power From Within". I still have resentment even though is like nothing compared to what it was many years ago. It takes time to forgive yourself for not being able to defend yourself.  These were the people that gave me my life's foundation.  I am proof to you that you can recover and live a good life, don't be fooled, your life will be colored by those scars, you just have to be aware of that and life will just unfold a lot easier.

I grew up in a Catholic household, I went to a 7 Day Adventist School until graduation from High school, there was a short Baptist school in there.  Well is all about education and about being able to register me in a school, those choices were the best. All I learned from Christianity was  about love by fear. Be good or you go to hell, all along I saw this role models fall one by one, because they can not live up to their own expectations or rules. The misconception that bad things do not happen to good people is the biggest mistake that people can believe. Life is kind of unbiased and things happen to good and bad people.  Love by suffering and that no matter what I did I was not good enough.  I was always being warned about God looking at my Life, (not my parents'life  of course) , I know about hell and sin and I knew that The power of fear from adults to innocent children. The guardians of my childhood were not the parents I saw on TV.  No wonder I watched so much Sci Fi, things looked so much brighter in the future, I was able to escape reality and live in a future free from the abuse.  I knew that one day I was going to get away from them, my parents,  and never look back, and I did. You will also be able to if you can harness the power within.

So I was talking to my father's sister the other day by chance.  She is trying to convert me to Christianity , or rather telling me that the world is going to end soon and that my Father accepted Jesus  just before he died in my sister's arm .  She told me that I could also accepted Jesus as my savior and have my name written on the book of life , besides my father's name.  I told my Aunt that I was a Buddhist, but to not worry , that if my evil father's name was in the book of life, I was sure that my name was written in that book as well. That took her by surprise and like always, she started to say that my father's life was not easy, I guess that grants him permission to be a pedophile and physically abuse me.  So this is the answer to my life's religious quest, the answer to my spiritual longing, the Heaven of Christianity. Don't take me wrong I have compassion for the bastard of my father, just no sympathy for a religion that makes me feel a victim about being a victim.How is the God of  different from the Gods of Greece or Rome, they get angry with men and send thunder, earthquakes and typhoons.  I guess the Gods of Olympus are not that different from the God of other religions around the  World, well there are many personalities and they fight amongst each other, something the Monotheistic Religion God does not do. All I ask of you  is that you think, listen to those politicians and those religious zealots and think if you believe they speak from their own perspective and fears. If you as a human can have more compassion than their God, they are not coming from a godly perspective, but from a biased and prejudice perspective.

I do believe in Jesus as a great Teacher, I don't believe all the stories of the Bible are as accurate as they seem, I do believe in the message of Love and compassion, I believe in forgiveness.  What I don't believe is in having to deal with people like my father like nothing happened.  Forgiveness is good for your soul and never forget that, but don't you forget that people are people and the lessons that you learned are still clear.  To make a long story short,being s bit of a blunt cynic, I told my Aunt that I wanted to have some words with the Christian God about my father's behavior and abuse, maybe even compensation. She was very quiet to say the least. She then said that she loved me and that God is boundless in his love, and I said that I honestly  believe  my dear Aunt. I can tell you one thing, I am not afraid of death or to live life to the fullest.  I can honestly tell you that I have lived my life and live my life without regrets or guilt, is not easy, but it can be done. 

At 51 one, well almost 51, I see my mother still thinks I am 9 or so, she still trying to manipulate me with her religious views, and living up to her old self.  Sometimes  like we say in Spanish  you can not ask an Elm tree to give you Pears.  I love my mother not because of her kindness to me as a child, not because of her kindness to me as an adult, I love my mother because she is my maternal mother, as they say blood is thicker than water.  I have a love for her friendship and I have learned to love her for who she is.  As much as I love her I see her faults, how can she be so holier than thou in judging other people, she forgets that I was present and aware of some of her many many sins, which I am not going to go into detail here,  but needless to say I just can't believe that the Heaven that My mother and my Aunt are talking about would have people like them in it.  If it does , have people like my father and my mother and other proclaimed saints of the modern world, I really don't want to be there.

The power within is about owning my own destiny and about owning my own fears, and believes.  No one can destroy the beauty inside you and never forget, the abuse will end one day, and you can move away like I did.  Never try to please them or to make them love you, never compromise your personal believes or values because you love them, maybe they don't deserve your love, but you definitely deserve to be loved by you. The power within is about recognizing the parent in you and to nurture the child your parents did not, whether because they were ignorant or just bad parents, it does not matter in the end.  You can gain your life back and make a new life for yourself.In closing I live for today, because today or rather this very moment is all I have, the past is gone, the future is no here yet.  In the moment you are making the past and the future at the same time, that is the secret to a great life. Live in the present moment, life will have it's obstacles and sufferings , but they will all pass, the same as good things pass.  I hope that the good things last longest and that my life is continuously a victorious life as it has been from my perspective today.  I am victorious always in the present and throughout eternity. Thanks for listening and thanks for stopping by!

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